Yikes!!!

Hola!!

So, today I did a lot of thinking. I was thinking mostly on how I remember those days where I would say I was going on a diet, and then maybe 3-4 days later I would have these uncontrolable cravings. Something would go inside my head, take over the controlls and say "Alright diet over losers! Its time for some chips and pizza!" Then without thinking about it, I reached for that cheesy pizza, or pop those lindor chocolate balls with the creamy filling inside my mouth. After eating until I was full. Of course I felt guitly lol. Then I would say "Okay, I'll start tomorrow, fresh start! Ill do it! :)" But no...That doesn't work. Next thing you know it, everyday will be just a free pass and you'll be the same size or bigger. So what does work? I'm supposed to have an answer for that, but unfortunatly I don't. I have ideas, but not a for sure answer. I think you have to really want to lose your desired weight, you really have to strive for it. Maybe it was just not the right time, but when is? As you go on, you learn right? I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I do have some ideas. It's all in your head.

I can't wait to be able to second guess me going to a club with some friends, or always ask my boyfreind "Am I that size?" Its ridiculous! I'm clearly not happy! And no one is going to come into my body and change that for me, its all on me to change! It's so much easier just to sit there with a yummy bag of chips and say "Okay, tomorrow Ill start", but no, in reality It's not!

Anyways! Tomorrow, I will squeeze into some clothes that may or may not look too flattering on me because I am going to the club! I am going to drink alot, get plastered and probably end up eating Mcdonalds! Yummm hehehe. But then, when I wake up New Years Day, I will stop all of that, and start my LIFE STYLE CHANGE. I am going to change for ME. And you know what? It is going to be something that I will accomplish! Im so excited! =)

Night guys! xxx

Just the beginning

Hi. My name is Jessiy. I spell my name wrong on purpose so that when people look at my name, they may think that I'm just a little bit more interesting. lol. I think Jessiy looks better then Jesse. Anyways, you and I are going to Watch Me Shrink. 2010 will be the best year, it may be hard, but it will be the best year. Wanna know why? Because I am going to lose ALOT of weight. Hells yes. ALOT! See I used to be thin, i used to wear bikini's and tank tops, skirts and shorts, but now, its more sweaters, and leggings. Clothes that cover me because I am self consious. I gained weight because I had lost myself in food. lol Doesn't that sound so fat? I stopped being active and fun, and started because lazy and depressed. Now, I want to be me again. Not just lose weight, but to be happy again. More adventurous and confident!

I know its going to be hard because I have a hard time like actually staying commited to something I've started. Its brings me down everytime. But hopefully this blog will keep me going! I love to write, but I love to talk even more, but my boyfriend probably won't enjoy listening to everything I've eaten, or how many minutes I've worked out that day lol. I really want to do this because I feel heavy. I don't think ever in my life I walked away from a camara while someone was taking a picture, now I cover my face with my hands and yell "NOOO" "MOM!! SERIOUSLY?!?!?" I never did that before. I would be like "Picture"? "HELLS YESSSSS MOFO!" *pose* lol. Thats me! Well was....

Anyways, this is how its going to happen, if it changes, thats okay! Chemy boy challenge is approximently the second weekend of July, that is 6 months. I want to see a HUGE difference in my body in July for the challenge. And then somewhere in August we (family) are going to the cottage, and i want to see a big difference there to. I want to be able to wear a bikini, tank tops, and not be self consious, thats summer was horrible. All I will say is that I felt like crying everyday because I couldn't wear a tank top without the word "fat" screaming at me in the back of my head everyday. lol. Anyways. This is how I AM going to do it!!!! So, I joined Goodlife (sorry mom) lol, but I didnt sign a one year contract, I pay month by month. And yes I will be able to afford it because I am getting that big check from the Apt, and then on top of that I am working at Le Bay. (That's towards my mom to save time telling her later lmao)! So I go to the gym, which I acually enjoy doing, and no junk food! Only 2 times a month I can, just so I will keep sain. :) I will take the stairs instead of the elevator, do little things like that. I've looked so COUNTLESS of things for nutrition and weightloss. I know what to do, I just have to do it and I will :)

BUTTTTT! I have till New Years Day to eat WHATEVER, WHENEVER I want! Which is why I just ordered a yummy pizza from Gabriels! :) And I am getting PLASTERED on New years eve! Oh and always I will not drink until Chemy Boy Challege. You just can not refuse a drink from hard playing boys! :p And I do not need those empty calories while losing weight!

I have 243 days and blogs until the end of August and I will become a NEW TRANSFORMED GIRLLL!!!! I am so excited to do this! And I WILL DO THIS. :) And I know my family will support me and not stick pizza in the face. I will take a picture of myself, with my clothes on don't worry lol! You'd all run off screaming if I took one without any clothes hahaha. But yeah, i will but one up on New Years Day! :) And then it will begin! But until then I will eat WHATEVER I want and get sick from it! lol! I will post tomorrow to tell ya everything I ate! :) lol, Goodnight! Pizza timee babieeee!